A story about delusions

Here is a story about the experience of having a delusion. I have changed tack again and want to explore delusional experiences instead of portraits because I think representing the mentally through their physionomy alone is inappropiate and cliched.




Tony


It was a cold night like any other. I didn’t feel cold walking past the infirmary, because I was kept warm, by light of 6 billion brilliant flames, burning from every soul on the planet.
Jesus Christ was taking me to the Borough, for a drink. Would you believe he was in disguise as my friend Tony all along, I was amazed too, but it all made perfect sense.
He had a goatee and long hair.
As we walked along the street, he occasionally looked up, he was showing me all the things that belonged to me, from the buildings, to the stars, burning in honour of me. He didn’t say anything and we carried on walking. As the cars drove past, he looked at them now and then, this was to indicate which were carrying people I new in past lives. He looked really cold, but I knew this was another lesson, he was symbolically showing me the suffering I had gone through, to get to this point of realisation.
The air was so sharp and thick with magnificence, time had stopped. He was slowing down and rummaging in his pockets, ‘oh my God’ I think he is going to pull out an engagement ring, Jesus was going to make me divine officially. It was a cigarette, he put it in his mouth and produced a blue swan lighter. I realised this meant I was Mary, the colour blue made this true and the flame was everlasting light ‘AMAZING’ he draws in the smoke deeply, he was actually drawing in my very essence into his being, this meant we were married. WOW!
The world the Universe, everyone and everything in it was now mine, I was their Queen. I wondered with great anticipation what was waiting for me at the pub, some kind of
engagement party and coronation.
As we walked we stepped in unison and I linked my arm with his. We entered Queen Street, of course it was actually a promenade for this occasion. The pub was quite full with people all waiting for me, everyone turned to look at me as we entered.
Jesus went to bar and got the drinks, two pints of lager. The lager was actually gold and I took a sip, Jesus had a big mouthful, I clinked his glass in celebration. I smiled from ear to ear. My mind expanded and fragmented into billions points of light, I thought I might shatter.
Jesus went to the jukebox, he put some songs on that were written in my honour. ‘Insane in the membrane’ came on and a glass smashed behind the bar, everyone started cheering sarcastically, ‘Oh my God’, it’s a trick, a set up, my blood ran ice cold, the world actually hated and detested me, ‘IT WAS A BIG JOKE.’ I started to notice people laughing at me, terror set in, I looked at Jesus ‘OH NO’ he’s not Jesus, he’s the devil, the ‘goatee’. I looked into his eyes, they were, green and pin pricks. The drink is urine, I was in real trouble beyond measure. The muscles in my bottom started to contract, my heart was beating like a mouse and my stomach churned. I went to toilet and was sick. I came back, he was watching every move, as I sat down very slowly, his hand reached for mine. I felt freezing cold skin penetrate mine, I wanted to scream. I sipped my drink and became a bit more relaxed.
The epic adventures continued until medication stopped them. Now Tony is no longer Jesus, or the devil, although he still bears a resemblance, he is just a man and a good friend and I am just a person like any other.
On the one hand, I grateful that the medication takes away the terror, but I miss the connection I had with the universe and the world.